Writers need a lot of persistence. “Work-life” balance? As a writer I’ve never managed it. Oh, I try. It just never seems to happen. There’s always something else to do: chores, work, cook, write, edit, chores, edit…maybe some sleep. Without persistence (and a hefty dose of caffeine), I’d fall behind on everything in life!
Writers also need a lot of endurance—specifically, emotional endurance. Dr. Spencer from Triathlete Magazine defines emotional endurance as “how clear someone’s mind is and how much space they have for physiologic stressors.” In other words, mental and emotional stressors can impact how much you can physically do.
Hitting the Wall
In endurance sports, when your emotional tank is empty, whatever internal drive you have left to cross the finish line can suddenly run dry. What happens next? Athletes slow to a stop. In triathlon, we call this “hitting the wall.”
Even a professional athlete with an empty emotional tank can find the day ending early, as we saw with Simone Biles’ unexpected early departure from the Tokyo Olympics. Clearly, she was physically ready to compete. Emotionally, her tank was running on empty.
Many endurance athletes take their tank to near empty before their races, a culmination of hours away from family, squeezing in ridiculous amounts of training around work and life, life events themselves, and fighting periodic setbacks from injury.
Stepping up to that starting line, whatever emotional reserve is left can make or break the day. I saw this firsthand at a recent Ironman triathlon. After the 2.4-mile swim, eager athletes headed out on the 112-mile bike course. But hours of exhaustive headwinds left many athletes on the side of the road crying, leaning over their bikes in defeat, unable to finish the race.
Hitting the Writing Wall
Personally, I think this quote sums up endurance training best:
“You’re training to get to that point of depletion and breaking, then finding a way to operate in that space for as long as you possibly can until you either pass out or get across the finish line.”
(Dr. Spencer, Triathlete Magazine)
Notice I didn’t say it sums up endurance sport training the best. This quote also sums up the endurance lifestyle of working parents, full-time entrepreneurs, and yes…writers.
We often fit writing around already full lives, pushing to finish that screenplay or manuscript, despite the multitude of commitments that can’t wait. This can leave us emotionally fatigued, just when we need to push through those final edits, hit submit on that query, or handle critiques on our precious work.
We can hit the proverbial wall, with writer’s block, ambivalence toward our story, self-doubt, depression.
(Re)Filling Your Emotional Fuel Tank
The best time to deal with your emotional endurance is before you get close to hitting that wall. But if you’re reading this today and had an “ah ha!” moment that your own tank is already running dangerously low, it’s not too late to dig in and start refilling the tank.
With a few assessments and targeted behavioral changes, you can be on your way to not only a bigger emotional reserve, but a more fulfilling lifestyle. Keep in mind, change takes practice, so allow yourself some time to improve and don’t expect perfection.
7 Steps to (Re)fueling
1. Be Honest
The best way to gauge your emotional endurance reserve is to check your current fuel tank level. Only you know how many competing obligations you have or how little sleep you’re getting. And don’t forget the emotional impact of losses, whether a loved one, a job, or another query rejection.
To do: Determine your emotional reserve tank level. This is not an exact science, but will get you started.
- Full tank: You wake rested, raring to go, excited to dig into projects, and laughing off the little unexpected setbacks.
- Half-full tank: You wake a bit tired, but fair well during the day. You have begun to notice a little fraying at the emotional edges, when handling stressful situations.
- Needle on or near empty: You oversleep your alarm, feel overwhelmed by your lists and deadlines, snap or tear up easily.
Where does your fuel gauge sit?
2. Depressurize
Take a load off your emotions by making choices to de-stress your lifestyle. Actively take control of your obligations, instead of just making your way through the never-ending list.
- Prioritize- Quit feeling like you absolutely must do everything. Learn to make lists of obligations and find a system to identify those that absolutely must be done today, tomorrow, etc. Be prepared to move some items to the “sometime later” or the “trash” bin. Be honest here.
To do:
Need help prioritizing? There are many resources on effective time management. To get you started, check out this quick read from Psychology Today or this course on the famous Dale Carnegie Method.
Assembly line-Look for repetitive tasks that can be grouped or pre-done for time efficiency.
- For example, if you cook a dinner every day, buy that time back by making Sunday evening your cook-ahead day.
- Make several dinners ahead and reheat them in the evenings.
- Let Tupperware be your friend! Meal prepping doesn’t have to be time consuming or hard.
- I turn on the music and start cooking.
- I find slow cookers, pressure cookers, and 3-4 ingredient meals to be the most time friendly.
- Check out some tips here.
3. Just Say No
You just can’t do it all. Keep from overfilling your commitments so the ones you do are still enjoyable.
To do: Either learn to say no to some tasks or learn to ask for help. Reaching out to let someone else help can be a huge stress reducer. For help, try this quick read.
4. Learn Coping Skills
Yes, this can take a little time, but the rewards you reap will help refill that tank. Think you don’t have time for this one? Go back to Depressurize or Just Say No (above) to carve out time in your life for you.
To do:
Find something that helps you defuse or relax. You may need to try a couple of different things until you find what works.
- For example, commit to taking one yoga class a week or learn meditation for 10 minutes a day.
- It’s also important to gain the tools to cope when under duress. To do this, consider listening to a podcast or read a book about stress reduction and coping skills.
5. Develop Support Networks
Getting to know other writers can help you refill that tank. When you’re struggling, dealing with life challenges, or just needing some direction on next steps, writing groups can be there for you.
Years ago at a Writer’s Digest Conference, I got connected with several writers from across the US. We still meet weekly online. We each bring different experiences to share about getting through this thing we call writing. And some days, we just chat about life—having teens, places we’ve visited, instruments we play.
We learn we aren’t alone in a writing silo of stress, and we have people to reach out to when life gets tough.
To do: Find a social networking group (online or in person).
- Groups like Facebook and Meet Up can be great for finding local groups that have similar interests.
- Contact your local library—many have writer’s groups lead by the librarian.
6. Change Your Inner Dialogue
Self-talk is a powerful tool—it can build you up or weigh you down. The Power of Positive thought can’t be understated: if you think good thoughts, you’re more likely to have positive feelings and handle difficult moments with a bit more grace.
Walking around with negative thoughts can have the opposite effect. Negative self-talk is also a habit that grows unless it’s tamed. It can be the lens through which you begin to see the world.
To do: Spend a day listening to your inner thoughts (or what you say out loud to other drivers!).
- Do you use negative, derogatory, or angry words (that was stupid, I’ll never get this manuscript done, my writing really stinks)?
- Or do you use more positive words (you know, those edits were hard, but I got them done)?
No, you don’t have to pretend to be fake-happy. But learning to restructure negative thoughts into positive views can keep the stresses from further weighing you down. For more information, see here.
Final To Do: Re-Check the Tank
Like a follow-up visit to the doctor, take the time to periodically reassess your emotional endurance tank.
- Decide if you want to give yourself two weeks or a month before checking back.
- Set a reminder.
- When the day comes, look at your tank. Has the needle on the tank moved? More importantly, has it moved in the right direction?
- Assess what you’ve improved and what still needs work.
- Decide what has helped and what hasn’t.
- Use that information to revise your approach, then dive back in for another few weeks.
Final Thought
If you haven’t made a lot of progress, don’t get frustrated. Behavioral change takes time. So, be patient while you work on your emotional reserve. After all, it probably didn’t get empty overnight! And be prepared to periodically need a refill, even after you’ve filled the tank, because life happens.
Have you worked on your emotional endurance? What coping mechanisms have you found that help? We’d love for you to share your ideas in the comments.
* * * * * *
